Based on the descriptions of some craft beers, I think we can all aspire to be more like beer. Peruse the beer menu at your favorite micropub or brewery and see if you don’t agree.

I came to this realization while studying the brew menu at Miami’s Lincoln’s Beard Brewing Company in Southwest Miami. I was intrigued by the “FROC” or the Fabio Rollercoaster Catastrophe Blonde ale and when I read the description, “bread-y and full-flavored blonde with hints of biscuit,” it rang a bell. I ordered and with the first sip, I thought, yeah, okay, so I am a little “bread-y” too, but a girl could do worse than being a “full-flavored blonde, with hints of biscuit.” Everybody likes biscuits.

The next beer that caught my eye was the Chet Tripel, about which it was said: “drinks dry and spicy like its Belgian counterparts.” I thought about my Belgian friend Hugo, whom I had always found to be somewhat dry – both in his wit and his approach to life. Cool and collected on the outside, it is his underlying spice that makes him interesting. It is always there, in the flex of his pecs, the slant of his brow and the curve of his smile. It keeps you guessing. And just like a Belgian Tripel goes well with a hard cheese or thin stalks of asparagus, Hugo pairs nicely with Ana, the svelte Uma Thurman look-a-like he met at a comedy club. Personally, I cannot imagine either of them busting out laughing, but maybe they were both drug there by friends hoping to crack their cool reserves.

This idea of people being like beer stuck with me and a few weeks later, I found myself at Tank Brewing Company in Northwest Miami, ordering an IPA for my friend, Cookie. I decided to get her the El Farito, with its “happy nose of citrus and tropical fruit.” It suited her well, I thought, as she slipped off her chancleta (“flip flop” to us gringos) and playfully smacked her handsome Irish husband, Tim, while she whispered something to him in Spanish. A Puerto Rican transplant, Cookie was nothing if not hoppy.

 Fast forward to last month and the Biscayne Bay Brewing Company, just west of mid-Miami in Doral.  I found myself torn between the Miami Pale Ale – a rarity in this sun-kissed town – and La Colada, an “English-style porter with a lasting [Cuban] coffee finish.” There is a lot to be said for “a lasting Cuban coffee finish” but the ale promised a “Scotch malt foundation” and I have always been a sucker for a man – I mean beer – in a kilt.

I invite you to conduct your own “research” at the North Miami BrewFest 2019 and see if you don’t fall in love with a handsome stout, an amber ale or one of the other 200+ brews that will be showcased by the best of Florida’s breweries! And keep a lookout for a little full-bodied blonde with a hint of biscuit!